My Life

I'm 36 years old. I know, I'm still young, but lately I've been thinking about my life and is it what I had hoped for? And am I headed in the direction the Lord wants me to go? When you're a child, you have this fairy tale picture of what your life will be like. A husband who is your Knight in shining armor who loves you always and treats you like a princess. (Actually in my case I'd hoped he would be a cowboy that would swing me onto the back of his stallion and ride off into the sunset with me.) You have children who are beautiful and always do what's right. Every day is filled with sunshine and music...and horses. Ok that was my dream anyway.

I married a man from P.A. I've only ever seen him on a horse once and probably wont ever again. We aren't always loving toward each other, but that would be impossible. He is a man with a heart that desires to live out God's will in his life. For him it's to proclaim Christ to anyone willing to listen. I admire him for that and pray always for the Lord to protect and guide him.

My children are who I thought they would be so far. Kelly is my sunshine everyday. She lights up a room, and like her father, loves to tell others about the Lord. At time's she can be a little argumentative, but she's my little angel. Keith is entering those teenage years. I can see we will have a few struggles, and he's trying to figure out how to be more independent yet still stick within his parents boundaries. But, I love my relationship with Keith. I enjoy spending time with him and seeing glimpses of the man he will become once he gets through the awkward teen years. I hope he will be a gentleman, loving and kind.

I have been lucky enough the last (almost) 15 years to be a stay at home Mom. I always said I would never work. Well, times are changing and with Steve's business being what it is, it seems I am having to help a little. So now, my life heads another direction I didn't expect it to go. And to be totally honest, I'm scared to death. Is this the right thing to do? Will my family suffer from me spending my time on this? What am I going to do this summer when the kids are home? Am I willing to let go of being a stay at home Mom, which has been my conviction all my life? I never finished college, didn't even want to go because all I wanted was to be a Mom. I am lucky that what I'm doing is an at home business and I can choose my hours I work, but in order to be successful and grow the business, I have to put some good time into it. I've had to juggle a few things to open up my schedule and I think in the next few weeks, things will fall into place, but this is hard for me and I struggle in my heart about if it's the right thing to do. For now, I'll just push forward praying that God will guide me and show me the way.

So is my life that fairy tale story I'd hoped it would be? Well, my husband's not a cowboy, and we don't ride off together on our horse in the sunset, but he loves the Lord and is a good Father and Husband. My children are beautiful although not perfect, but that's ok with me. My days aren't always sunny or filled with music and horses, but that's alright too. I find my strength and my contentment in the Lord everyday. And who knows what sort of blessings will come from my job. I know I can't do it in my own strength and if this is the path the Lord wants me to take, He'll help me down it. Life is always changing and it hasn't always been exactly as I've expected, but, that's ok. It's a good life and I see the Lord in it everyday.